The Staff of Life

Or not, as the case may be. If you can't eat wheat, does that mean you're dead?

A departure from crafting. But not from creating...??

I can't eat wheat. I'm not coeliac, it's just IBS, but I do often eat gluten-free products for coeliacs. However, I'm violently allergic (projectile vomiting, as opposed to the flu-ey symptoms I get from wheat) to buckwheat, a major coeliac staple, especially in brown, high fibre and multigrain baked goods. For some reason, buckwheat is very occasionally listed by other names, including its name in other languages. I recently had a horrific experience thanks to Doves Farm's Plain White Flour, which lists buckwheat as 'sarrasin' - the French word. Oddly, they call it buckwheat on the Brown Bread Flour. Thanks, Doves Farm! Also, as I learned to my cost - or rather my mum's cost, since she'd bought the stuff in advance of my visiting - these days, not all coeliac foods are wheat-free: those clever clever food scientists have worked out how to remove the gluten from wheat, which can then be used to make gluten-free foods! Great for the coeliacs, not great at all for me. And tbh, the stuff looked as bad as the wheat- and gluten-free food.

Nowadays it's a lot better for me. At least now I can buy gluten-free food in supermarkets, rather than having to trek into the city centre to go to the big Boots, and food labels now list wheat in the short health warning section of the label. Of course they also plaster the shelves with Look! Gluten Free! signs. My poor mother (who ought to know better, she's a Trinity graduate, ffs) has been robbed blind buying special gluten-free apples, chicken, lettuce and sellotape for my visits. Recently though, I've been getting fed up with the stodgy fare available to me, happy as I am that it's there. But sometimes I want soda bread. Or a sandwich bread that doesn't need to be toasted (although I sound a rousing hurrah for Sainsbury's part-baked baguette). And I've never found anything, buckwheat-filled or not, that substitutes for the dense nutty brick that is the Irish Wheaten Soda. Thing is, I'm not a great baker, and I don't enjoy yeast baking. Stovetop cooking generally I'm fine at, and I've mastered roasts now that I have people to cook for, but the results from the oven are disappointing. My cakes, buns and breads don't rise well, although my pastry and biscuits are surprisingly good considering these are supposed to be harder to make. I used to have a very basic bread machine, but results were not great. When the element died, I didn't bother replacing it.

However, I've heard great things about the Panasonic bread machines, and there are now dedicated cookery books for gluten-free bread machine baking. I ummed and ahhed for a while over the price - £70+ - and then LIDL had a Bifinett bread machine on offer for only £25 which appeared to be more or less identical to the Panasonic in function. So I dispatched Tiny Husband to purchase one, and yesterday I gave it a trial run using Dove's Farm White Bread Flour ("sarrasin"-free!) and quick acting yeast, and the basic bread-making programme No. 1 as per the recipe for breadmakers on the Dove's Farm pack, selecting a medium-coloured finish.

The result was fabulous. A squarish well-risen, easily-cut loaf, moist, with a defined but not overly chewy or crispy crust. The centre is not dissimilar in appearance to the sliced pan loaves of my Irish childhood, Knutty Krust and so forth, with medium-sized air bubbles, but with a firmer texture closer to that of British pans (KK slices were sadly limp). It ate well straight from the oven, cooled with butter and with butter and jam, and toasted and buttered this morning. The butter sank in nicely instead of melting into a puddle on top to splatter my work blouse minutes before I have to lasso the baby and run out the door. A little crusty this evening, but I had left it out on the counter, uncovered, since I took it out of the machine.

I'm really impressed. Especially so since the programme I used wasn't even the gluten-free programme! The only thing that's inferior to the Panasonic machines is that there's no facility to add fruit or nuts automatically during baking, though you can set it to beep at the right time. However, this feature has only been present in the last two Panasonic models anyway. I'm looking forward to trying out other recipes - maybe even trying the pasta programme!

Fibre crafts wise, Cillian's Trellis cardi is finally done, blocked and sewn, and is only sans buttons. It'll need a re-block. Boobie #2 of the Silk Slip is almost done as well.

TTFN
K

Senior Moment

Truly the brain is dying.


This is one of the first things I ever made, and the first I made for myself, after I started crafting again. I wear it quite often, too. Though I have to say it has not endeared me to shrugs - there's something about the 'frontlessness' of it that makes me look fat, pigeon-chested and middle-aged. Well, more fat, pigeon-chested and middle-aged than I actually am. Not that I'm pigeon-chested, I just have a very straight back, courtesy of mother, music and military, and larger than average boobies.

It is a fairly straight copy of the Noodle Shrug, excepting that I abandoned the yarn-overs as they were driving me bananas, in favour of using one 10mm and one 4mm needle. I've since discovered that I was doing the yarnovers the wrong way round (sensibly I wrapped the yarn over then under the needles, whereas in fact one wraps under then over the needle) not that it matters a hill of beans either for this pattern or for my sanity. The yarn is undyed 2-ply 100% wool, and the 'noodles' are a cream cotton chenille. I did not pay much attention to the instructions for these, I think they've worked out longer on mine.

A boo, frou-frou, and a big Bamboo

Well, I didn't get to the wedding - by the time I got clearance from the school, it would have cost over 300 pounds for self and offspring, and would have involved travelling at stupid o'clock. So I took the day off anyway and spent it doing computery stuff. I installed a new hard drive (250g) in the old computer, discovering along the way that I didn't have a particular cable I needed. I also discovered there was no point in transferring the Firewire card to the new computer as it has an unconnected 1394 port in the front panel - it would cost a few pounds to install one. So the FW card goes back in the old computer. The old 20g hard drive is now in a portable powered fanned external case. May use it purely for music.

Crafting: clicky to my first pattern, for hair scrunchies, on the right sidebar! Though this is a bit of a cheat, to get myself linked on Ravelry as a designer - shh! don't tell anyone! I do intend to produce patterns but haven't got round to it yet.

It came through one of those D'oh! moments - when you realise the answer has been staring you in the face. I have very fine, flyaway hair. It needs to be restrained in a lot of situations - housework, work, nappy-changing, etc. The only product that will keep the hair in place is Brylcreem - half a jar usually does the trick, but it's not a look I'm keen on. Any fixings you care to mention - combs, ribbons, elastics, kirby-grips - either fall out, or damage my hair. The only thing that stands a chance of staying in place without snapping the hair are scrunchies. For some reason, though, the few that I can find are usually in hideous colours.

So I was about to throw out an old fuzzy black one, randomly wishing I could get more and thinking the fuzzy would make a nice scarf, when it hit me I could make the blasted things with fancy yarns... D'oh! Hence the pattern - crochet, if you're interested. On the plus side, since I'd got the fancy yarns to make scarves for myself, all the scrunchies have mysteriously turned out to be in lovely colours that tone with my wardrobe!

I have also put together a shortie scarf/ruff affair. I've found a scarf to be too long and gappy for some of my winter coats, and thought that a big-collared jumper would work better - only without the jumper... so I knit this collar-and-yoke thingy in Sirdar Bigga (Etna colourway), which I found unbanded in the Bull-Ring for 69p. It's a 2x2 rib on the collar, 3x3 rib on the yoke by picking up the bar between the paired knits and purls. Finished with a belt buckle from the same source.

Finally - another Bull-Ring bargain: pure bamboo yarn, unbanded, also 69p. They had the same stuff on the shelves. I thought I'd just try a little random swatching to see what it was like to knit with, then I saw Knitting magazine had printed one of Joan McGowan-Michael's patterns from Knitting Lingerie Style - Silk Slip. It's basically just a bra: you sew a silk 'skirt' to it. I'm almost finished the first cup, after a few modifications for my voluptuousness. The straps are supposed to be single crochet, but I think I might use the lace bit to knit thicker straps for comfort. I'm also uncomfortable about sewing (!) so the skirt may wind up being knitted too...

TTFN

K

I'm thinking of knitting a dress

Let me backtrack...

I have a wedding to go to next week back in Ireland - assuming I get there: the school has had my absence request since forever, but won't give me a decision. Or rather, the deputy head, Mr Piggy McPigpig who doesn't want me knitting on the school grounds, won't give me a decision. At this stage, I might not be able to afford the flights (Rant over). This weekend is the only time when I can look for something to wear both for myself and Ickle Baby Cthulhu - thanks to recent family events, everyone has seen all my current dressy-uppies, and IBC's growth demands new frillies for him.

Being of a somewhat Mediterranean physique, I was approaching the shopping trip with trepidation. Britain is not a good place to locate suitable clothes if you're a busty long-waisted hour-glass type of gal, let me tell you. I'm three different sizes here - about 18/20 bust, 8-10 waist and 12/14 hips. In addition, to get tops that don't look cropped, I need to go for Extra-Tall ranges, but I have to go to the Petites section to get skirts and trousers with a waistband in the region of my real waist instead of my nipples.

Needless to say, I have very few dresses.

And trying on clothes is so much fun. I have had to be extricated from clothes more than once by the shop staff. That smock thing I tried, with the zipped placket. I zipped it up - and halfway up it stuck. Crushingly tight. Pinky and Perky jammed flat, hardly able to breathe. Interestingly, I could have made another top out of the excess material round the waist - if I had any talent with a needle - even though I was about five months pregnant at the time. I struggled with the damned zip til I was sweating and panicky and scared I was going to rip it, before crawling out of the cubicle to ask for help from a snotty stick-insect (who nonetheless had a very fat waist for her size, snerk), giddy with embarrassment. And the trousers. Though that really wasn't my fault - the zipper came off the zip when I was doing them up. But even so... Big old grey knickers of course.

I dropped in to the Bull Ring yarnshop as normal before commencing on the clothes shopping. Nothing too interesting - well, some Aran-weight cotton, but I restrained myself. However, I noticed a nice colour in the corner of my eye, a softish purple, similar to a wildflower that's frankly a bit of nuisance back home - grows everywhere and hard to eradicate, but pretty. Mum would know the name. Some kind of willow-herb. The yarn is a 20% wool yarn that I've got before - not great quality but cheap. I immediately started thinking "dress". I'd seen a knitted dress last week in Rackham's sale which had taken my fancy, but I hadn't bought it because it was a) Empire line - not so flattering if you're top-heavy, b) knee-length - never a good look on me, though higher or lower hemlines are fine, and c) Khaki green. Nothing wrong with khaki green - I spent 8 years wearing it professionally, it matches my eyes, and lends me a certain exotic mystique that most women get from black. In fact khaki IS my black, my standby. Black is more like my everyday. When I don't necessarily want people realising I'm gothick, I pull out the khaki. I even had a DPM ballgown, once upon a time. Yes, that's right - my Little Black Dress was GREEN. Wonder what happened to it?

But I digress. I just didn't want a green dress because I wanted something that I could wear to work later, and I have lots of green that I wear to work. Time to throw something else into the mix. So purple yarn. Lots of it, too: at least five 400g balls that I could see, surely enough for a dress. But again, I restrained myself. Seriously, 6 days isn't enough time to knit a dress, especially when I'd have to come up with a pattern. I've seen a few on Ravelry, but I'm thinking more Stephanie Japel Fitted Knits extended down into about mid-calf. Though I suspect the precise thing I want is lurking in one of my vintage knitting books - I'm almost certain there's a 1940's fitted New Look style dress there somewhere.

This set me on my way. Debenham in the Bull Ring had a 70% off sale on, and lo I found TWO knitted dresses, one cerise and short-sleeved, and one mock pinafore in black with a white 'under' blouse. The cerise looked hideous on - my biceps are too butch for short sleeves (thank you, IBC) and the colour was too bluey. So that left the pinafore. A nyim over knee-length. I also found a John Rocha boiled merino jacket in a nice muted cranberry which will look nice over it - something like this, but with 3 huge buttons and no stitch detail at all. Almost got a JR lace wrap too, but restrained myself. I am getting SOOO good at this! The fact that it was described as crocheted when it was clearly knitted helped. As was a JR scarf - well it was obviously crocheted but said knitted on one label, and crocheted on the price tag. Really John Rocha! You work in IRELAND for pity's sake! You should KNOW this stuff. Grannies on the bus should have beaten it into you by now.

Total cost 35 pounds. T'was only on getting it home that I realised it was a maternity dress... Oh well. That would be funny if we hadn't been ttc for the last 18 months.

Still, it will look hawt with my Pirate Argyle stockings, if I ever get round to casting on. Especially since I scored a pair of Demonia Bat coffin heels (PU version) for only 25 pounds to go with it!!!!

T'ra
K

No knitting or crochet of consequence occured recently. I have put in a little work on Cillian's Trellis cardi and Libby's unicorn, have almost finished a crocheted knitting needle holder (OH! the irony), and crocheted a couple of hair scrunchies from fancy fur and eyelash yarns. In khaki.

Troublingly, I actually paid cash money recently for Sirdar Bigga MULTI... Hawaii AND Etna... I have to go and lie down every time I think about this...

Totally OT

My son, the love of my life, apple of my eye, drain on my bank balance, Has Gone Pee-Pee and Poo On The Potty for the first time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Admittedly, we have been talking to him about this for months as I'd hoped to get him potty-trained over the school hols last summer. But he was simply not interested. Occasionally he would come into the toilet with us and sit on his potty and have a little chat, but seemed to see it as nothing more than a convenient (sic) seat/stool for brushing his teeth at the sink.

Today, though, as I was busy sorting the laundry, I heard the ominous tinkling. Thinking he'd peed on the floor (I let him run around bare-assed due to a little nappy rash), I found him straddling the potty and staring at the stream in amazement. Of course, I made a big fuss about what a clever little boy he was, and texted everyone to let them know the glad news. And videoed him on my cam phone, and sent it to sis, gran, childminder...

T'ra
K

Ravelry...

is tha best!

I have been completely obsessed with Ravelry, and have discovered new and useful things about it almost daily. ATM it's knitting and crochet, though I see little reason that it should not expand to incorporate more fibre crafts eventually.

But for the last couple of days, I've got nothing but timeouts on attempting to connect to the site. It's definitely up and running, according to the support people. I did a tracert and a PingPlotter and the problem seems to lie with 2 servers/routers (not too good on the lingo here), in New York and Boston. A little further research reveals that these two are notoriously 'lossy' - i.e., they lose big chunks of your data signal / request to view the site, and as a result the signal makes no sense or disappears en route. In addition, over the last few days WoWers using a similar route have been unable to get into, er, the game. Dungeon. MUDD. Whatever.

Now, I don't suppose there's anything I can do about this. But I have vague recollections - admittedly from sci-fi movies - that it should be possible to re-route your data. It is supposedly how hackers and other snarly geek types continue their nefarious work. They route their virusses etc through umpteen servers, bouncing back and forth in a manner that defies tracking. Evil warmongering teens do this to set off nuclear Armageddon while steel-jawed but slightly dim agents of peace try to stop them, and we are only saved by Mom pulling the computer plug out of the wall until DJ Jr. takes out the trash. But I can find nothing on this anywhere.

I'm slightly burgered here. I was about to post a free pattern of my own devising when this started and I just can't seem to get on with life, or indeed knitting and crochet since. I can't access Ravelry anyway at work - it's filtered out as a spamming site, if you can believe - so I can't even check if it's available there. I've placed requests in various places and am waiting to see if anyone else can get there...

Boo-hoo
K

Happy New Yarn!

Er, Year...

Yarn's been on my mind recently.

Well duh...

I'm having a bit of a crisis..

I hates the coloured-up yarn... but... I have happily knitted up stuff in the coloured-up yarn, and loved it. This is causing my head pain.

I've also just bought these - unbanded mystery yarn from the Bullring yarne shoppe. Pink in shades from Baby to Crack Ho with flashes of toffee to keep it tasteful, and what initially looks to be silver tinselly bits woven in, but on closer inspection is tiny strips of clear cellophane-type material. Sounds ... DIRE. But actually quite nice. Something for Niece #1 possibly. The second a boucle in Browns, all the way from ecru to taupe. Woo! (Oh yes, in case I forgot to mensh, not loving the boucle slubby nubby stuff either). I shall make a camel from it (I am hoping to make a Noah's Ark and a Nativity scene this year), or maybe some sheep. I have also been deeply taken by this (scroll down to Liquorice). And today I almost bought a green, white and orange mohair in Rackham's sale - my father would be pirouetting in his grave, no mean feat for a man who made Triple H look petite. Sorry, petit. Hell no - I DO mean petite. Ma daddy was a MAN.

Admittedly, I'm thinking scarves, kiddie stuff, weird amigurumi toy stuff - where the maddcolorz either don't really matter or are absolutely essential to the project. I'd never do a sweater in the tricolour mohair f'rinstance (well, not for a grown-up. E.g., me, or someone my age or younger and more than, say, 10. My mum - maybe. If she acted her age). But I'd make myself a shrug in the pinky. And even contemplate a big ol' sudden-cold-snap-and-the-heating-dies cardi/jacket in the Liquorice. What gives, as our colonial cousins would say?

I'm struggling with this. Okay, first off, if we're talking animals (camels, sheep, etc), then anything goes for the effect. Kids, again, well the girlies love the spangles, and the boys haven't fallen into the Boring Man-Rut yet. Scarves - anything goes. They're an accessory, so you might want to make one scarf matching several different outfits - multicoloured is therefore good. Shawls and wraps, OTH, look nasty in multis*. Like you were using up all the leftovers in your stash - nothing wrong with that, just, well. But could you not make a Fair Isle at least? Make it look less like a desparate "oh shite, I'm running out of wool so I'll just make a Dr Who scarf type thing" project. Not that I'D EVAR use a shawl anyhoo**.

It's the Liquorice cardi that throws me.

So, let's approach this from the other side. Arans do not need maddcolorz. In fact, anything with a stitch pattern, even something as basic as basketweave, doesn't need maddcolorz. I go so far as to say knitted lace doesn't need maddcolorz, though I've only done one lace pattern myself. So, anything with textural or sculptural qualities should be done in one colour - not multi-coloured, tweed, flecked, handpainted, etc. If it's just acres of stockinette, go for it. If it's kiddy, or special- occasion like a shrug or do-it-all like a scarf - go for it. If it's for an elderly person - take your pick. Toys, intarsia, Fair Isle, it goes without saying.

That Liquorice cardi is still bugging me...

Ta ta
K

* Please note these are the opinions of the author, expressed after 6 beers, 2 bottles of wine, and a hefty brandy in the early hours of New Year's Day, and are not meant to be taken seriously as meaning anything. If you handpaint/dye your own yarn, The Author is deeply jealous of you and wishes she had a more co-operative toddler so she could do likewise. If you are enamoured of the maddcolorz yarn and never use anything else - well, so does The Author. Okay she does use other stuff and MAKES A BIG THANG OF IT, but she breaks her own rulez lotz tuu.

** I've been reading some interesting Ravelry threads on attitudes towards knitting, crochet, handcrafts generally. One thing that pops out is that all the handcrafts are associated with being poor, lower-class, etc. That's shawls to me. They're for people who can't afford proper warm coats, or decent heating in their homes (I include here home-made coats, and self-felled timber or self-dug turf fires - whatever). Afghans fall in the same category. People who need shawls or afghans to stay warm are people who can't (because of age or infirmity) or won't (because of laziness) provide the needful for themselves. I'm a snob.